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Desperate for Veteran Bullpen Leadership, Mariners Sign 97-year-old Pitcher
In a desperate effort to gain experienced leadership among their pitching staff, the Mariners have brought on Pappy McFreeson, a 97-year-old relief pitcher. The Mariners have had difficulty as of late...
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M’s Management Regret Passing on Bedard Warranty
As Érik Bédard comes close to making his way off of the disabled list, Mariners management staff admits that they are now kicking themselves for having bought the extended warranty on the star...
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Seattle Aquarium: Not Just for Marine Biologists
When you think of the Seattle Aquarium, do you think of a bunch of white-jacketed scientists sitting around a pond, obsessing over algae counts or water quality? Well, that's because you're not very...
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The Naked Loon Reviews: Juno
Let me begin this review with a warning. If you are thinking of buying Juno on DVD so you can enjoy a thrilling documentary about one of the internet's first free email services, reliving the glory...
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Overheard Outside Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
With it being Memorial Day Weekend, and me having no friends or family to invite me camping, or to a BBQ, or even a t-ball game I spent my weekend lounging around my second home, the Oak Tree Cinemas...
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New Reality Show to Pre-Place Blame for Area Disasters
An exciting new television series set right here in Seattle is scheduled to begin this off-season, and The Naked Loon is here to bring you the scoop. Everyone knows someone that has been affected by...
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The Naked Loon Reviews: Random Orientation Videos
Starting a new job may be intimidating, but it can also be a source of great entertainment. The best part about starting a new job is when you get to sit around for an entire day of orientation, doing...
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Bennett: “syl seattle lol”
Lawyers for the city of Seattle scored a virtual slam dunk in the city's trial with Sonics' ownership on Wednesday. The turning point came when the city revealed a series of enthusiastic text messages...
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Point-Counterpoint | Bill Gates & Paul Allen: Wealth
With Great Wealth Comes Great Responsibility by Bill Gates As you know, over the past thirty years the success of Microsoft has allowed me to amass quite a personal fortune. Watching my net worth grow...
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Trademark “Bennett Scowl” Unfazed by Sonics Ruling
Editor's note: Thanks to the uncanny prescience of our writing staff, The Naked Loon is able to bring you the big news about today's Sonics ruling ten whole hours before anyone else! Welcome to the...
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Long-Spurned WhirlyBall Team Thrilled by NBA Departure
For many Seattle-area residents, the only thing more depressing than the thought of Californian immigration to Washington is organized sports. The Mariners are floundering at the bottom of the MLB...
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Bennett to Sell Team Formerly Known as the Sonics
OKLAHOMA CITY – Oklahoma City SuperSonics owner Clay Bennett announced today that he will sell the NBA team he wrested from Seattle and moved to Oklahoma City just three weeks ago. Bennett said he and...
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Stingy Geek Reluctant to Spend Four Dollars to Download Dr. Horrible
Kirkland resident Matthew Teton reported Thursday that he has not yet decided if it is worth four dollars on iTunes to download the hit internet supervillain musical Dr. Horrible. Teton insists that...
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Dave Barry Announces Dave Barry: The Musical
Pulitzer Prize-winning columnist, author, and totally serious presidential candidate Dave Barry took a brief break from his whirlwind Olympic trip Monday to unveil his latest project: Dave Barry: The...
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The Naked Loon Reviews: 24 Season 1
Is it pointless to review Season 1 of 24, a show that came out on DVD nearly six years ago? In a word, no. In two words, it's possible. In three words, yeah, you bet. From the moment you pop in the...
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Gregoire Asks Bush to Declare Safeco Field Federal Disaster Area
Christine Gregoire today asked President Bush to declare a federal disaster area for Washington State counties hit hard by this year's unspeakably horrendous Mariners' season. Gregoire requested...
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Local Filmmaker Smooshes Ant, Creates Indie Film
A groundbreaking independent film screening this weekend in Seattle takes an insightful, entertaining, and totally original look into the mind of nature's most overlooked insect: the ant. Local...
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Schadenfreude Means Big Money for Local Musician
As the stock market continues its historic plunge, one local musician is making literally tens of dollars on an original hit song: Wall Street Inferno. Ballard resident Michael Locowitz generally...
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The Naked Loon Reviews: TV Comedies
In three short weeks, this delightful election season will finally come to an end, as the thrilling climax wraps up well over a year of non-stop entertainment. Unfortunately, once the post-election...
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Weird Al Arrested in Illegal Chinchilla Breeding Sting
Police in Sultan arrested world-famous polka star "Weird" Al Yankovic on Monday, charging him with seven counts of illegal chinchilla breeding and four counts of aiding and abetting copious concealed...
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