Desperate for Veteran Bullpen Leadership, Mariners Sign 97-year-old Pitcher

In a desperate effort to gain experienced leadership among their pitching staff, the Mariners have brought on Pappy McFreeson, a 97-year-old relief pitcher. The Mariners have had difficulty as of late retaining experienced talent in the bullpen, and the move is seen as a clear indication of their commitment to turn that trend around. Having pitched in the major leagues for sixty-eight years, McFreeson alone has ten times more experience than the rest of the M's bullpen combined.